forgingfires | Seasons Inbox

I've gathered that now, yes. [ But all that stuff just flew out of nowhere from her perspective and she was struggling to keep upright while off-balance. ]

[ She's still not certain what brought the whole thing on, but doesn't want to ask lest things take a dive again. ]

I don't think I'd ever be able to stop comforting you, not in general. In the moment, if you tell me you need time, certainly. But it's not something I do with any expectations.

I love you. I want you to be okay, as much as that's possible at any given moment. That's really all it's about. And, as I said, you've done the same for me. I know you will again when I need you. I don't want to feel like it's a tally we're keeping.

I love you too. [Just so she knows.]

[He thumb traces over the back of her hand.]

I'll always want to be there for you.

I'll...try to not keep a tally. I may not always succeed, but.

But if you're really fine with me the way I am.

I'll do my best to keep being the one you chose.

As I said, setbacks are normal. I can't and would never hold you to an impossible standard. Certainly I couldn't meet it myself.

If you keep being the one I chose, then I have everything I could ever want.

...Except I did want to know what you meant to bring up the other night, at the party. Something about your family? [ He said "family", not "my family", but they were a bit deep in each other at that point, which she probably means proverbially but hey. ]

[Something about family? It takes a minute for him to remember, he was very tipsy at the time.]

[Then he remembers.]

Oh.

Well.

Iiiif I'm correct on your reaction, it would be a whiplash thing? I think you would react positively to the idea.

I could use some positive whiplash right about now. Shoot.

[A pause.] So...you said you need an opposite chevalier for you to carry children.

And you wanted a family to try and honor Diva, more or less, so I thought...if you could have children in some way...

I mean, obviously we could just adopt and I can steal another peach so they have an immortal lifespan, which is the simplest option, but it is a different experience.

And I thought of...three potential options to see about make it work for us to have children.

In the future!

Years in the future, but also that gives you time to mull it over if that's something you'd want to do. With me.

Or...anyone. Since they could work for others, depending on logistics.

[ Oh no he's being adorable again. ]

That is something I want to do. With you.

...But you do know that I can only carry twin girls, right? That's how my species works. I don't assume you care about gender so long as it's not important to your parents, but wouldn't twin heirs be a challenge for keeping your father's legacy intact?

The gender binary is an illusion. Whatever the person feels like is all that matters. Maybe it matters slightly more for non-shapeshifters who want children, but there are ways around it.

Also both my parents are willing to break rules when it comes to love and demon courts aren't really held together by bloodline anyway. If the heir isn't strong, they're not going to keep the court. As long as they can't be beaten by anyone who want to take the court, then the legacy persists.

We wouldn't have to worry about them not being shapeshifters. Queens always can.

Although I think there's a substantial amount that could be done on the strength aspect, as well. Since our children aren't born alive, but rather as a petrified chrysalis, they'd need to be fed still -- as in, blood. [ Literally pouring blood on the things. ] And the one that provides that blood has a large impact on their development. That's why Diva and I were born with a human appearance, we were fed with human blood.

If you were to feed them, they'd probably take on a fair bit of your genetics. Imagine what the mixture of Chiropteran, demon, and celestial blood could create.

It would be quite the potent combo.

If we can get it to take like a fairly normal pregnancy for a chiropteran.

I have three options for a reason. Each with their own pros and cons.

Our genes are pretty robust, there's a reason Diva and I were hauled out of a glacier after 5,000 years.

[ And a reason their mother wasn't, but that's not a thing to get into now. ]

Go on then, stun me with your brilliance. As always.

The first idea is we do what we did with your hibernation and alter your genes to make you fertile one way or the other. However. That way comes with the biggest risks.

Because I don't know if we'll be able to determine how viable a pregnancy is until there is a pregnancy. A miscarriage can be hard, emotionally.

The second has the problem of maybe making your possessiveness go wild and it may be too distant. Where I carry our children and you select a donor. I wouldn't have to sleep with them, artificial insemination is a thing, but I figure the idea of two of your paramours making a child for you may be enough of an emotional connection to still hit the feeling you want.

Third, there is a river back home that supposedly makes anyone who drinks it pregnant. Works on men and demons. So we see if it can work on you, or if your possessiveness doesn't allow for option two, I use it for us. But only one of us would be the parent and it may not work on you.

Option four, I request a gem from one of Diva's Chevaliers and you do your science thing with that.

I sort of thought that one would be in there. And it's the one I like best, and it has the least risks since it would be working with what my body was designed to do and all the experimentation would be on an inert gem of genetic material.

....I can't say how risky that is because it is still pushing what your body can work with, but it would at least make success MORE likely.

Are you okay with that? I know they're not yours, but....

Sure, no problem. [ She waves a hand casually ] Our own Chevaliers we love, but our twin's it's more like.... punch-drunk lust.

Still, there's one specific one that I'd ask for. Less for personal preference, more because he wasn't off his rocker.

.... [He nods.] All right. If you're sure. Get them gem and I'll store it until we're ready to try.

I'm sure that it's worth getting, worth looking into. If it doesn't work out, you have a whole list of other options. [ The donor idea made her absolutely squirm inside, but if it's necessary... ]

Ever since my instincts got cranked up I've been idly thinking about this, actually. That might be why using one of Diva's Chevaliers strikes me as the most comfortable, it's closest to what my biology craves. No hurry or anything, it's just an urge that was dampened before and now... isn't. For a long time I thought my kind shouldn't exist at all.

[He figures option two would have that, but he also figures a miscarriage would be...real rough on Saya. So having options was the better bet.] Hm, yes. At the very minimum, I know the river would work for me for sure. So there is an option that can be done, no matter what.

As well as the adopting and just stealing an immortality granting thing.

[So if all else fails.]

That makes sense. A vital part of instincts is finding a way to continue the species.

Has that thought changed because you've accepted yourself more, or is it just knowing the worlds you want to go have beings who are more on par with you?

[ Miscarrying is rough on anyone, but he's not wrong. Saya is accustomed to loss, but she would absolutely take that one as a reason to blame herself for having done something wrong to cause it. ]

I suspect it's a combination. Accepting myself, having places to go and find a real home among those I won't lose to old age within a blink. And my natural instincts getting a boost.

[ This also gives her a drive to make Chevaliers, but she's ignoring that one. Nope. She'll direct that impulse to collecting romantic partners hand over fist. ]

And also finding someone that I'd actually want to raise a family with. [ She gives him a squeeze. ] Kantera has absolutely no interest in children. I'll broach the subject with him gently, at the right time, so please keep mum about it.

...I'd point out that in this conversation not only were you considerate of what I might want, you presented several options and anticipated my emotional struggles with each, and you listened when I suggested something else. Which is all very supportive.

As I think of it, even during the weremonkey mess where your pining was hurting me a bit, you did tell me that you didn't want to hurt me before you admitted it. I knew what you were needing to say, and I knew it would hurt, but I pushed you to tell me anyway. I wanted to take care of you. But you did think of my feelings. You were just also incredibly hurt, and when you're hurting it's hard to see past that sometimes, especially when the cues are subtle. Trust me, I know that better than anyone. And knowing that makes it easy for me to forgive.

You treat me just fine.

[ Just like, stop turning every single conversation to MK and Mei and it'll be smooth sailing. ]

[He nods.] I won't have any expectations of him with the children. He doesn't have to help raise them or claim any sort of ownership or anything like that. Of course anyone whose important to you that you want in their lives is welcome, but I won't demand anything of them. [Now if she wants to, she can, but at least he has no problem with the separation.]

[A pause.] But I have always wanted children. Even if I didn't plan on any for some time, I know I do want them someday. So I'm willing to accommodate any thing I can to make it happen. [Its a very serious want of his, one of the few things he knows he wants for himself.]

[Oh.]

[Oh, that is a lot and very clear examples the dark voices can't just dismiss as some kind of platitude, that is Hard Facts and]

[He swallows thickly and he snuggles closer, shaking a bit because he]

[He may want to cry right now.]

[That is a lot of validation and affirmations that he's doing all right with something he's been terrified of messing up.]

I love you. I love you so much. [Muttered against her neck.]

[He needs more varied experiences to pull from.]

[ She nods along, not quite able to see how all the pieces of her life will fit together with this new aspect in play, but still firm in wanting to move forward. Even though having a family would mean she's definitely not going to spend much time on Teyvat as planned. But... she's okay with that. Visits can still happen. Never hurts to have a few gods to call on if you need some heavies, or someone to get drunk and sing with. And she loves Venti, there's no way she could just not see him. ]

We'll figure it out. And so will Kantera. [ He can still have Saya and not be a parent figure to her children, that doesn't sound odd to her. Chiropteran family structures, such as they are. are so against most norms anyway. ]

[ She can feel him reacting to what she said, glad that he doesn't argue or debate it. So this is what he needs to hear... okay, she can do that. Provide reassurances and specifics in accordance with how he digests information. Saya relies more on vibes than facts so it wouldn't be her natural inclination, but she can do this. ]

I know you do. I know it with everything in me, and everything in me loves you just as much. [ She'd like if he stopped doubting that, but she isn't hypocrite enough to think it's that easy. ]

[At least children grow up and honestly, DBK and PIF are almost definitely the type to be the overly doting grandparents. Especially after how much time was lost for them just being Parents to Red Son. So Red Son won't ever just be alone with the kids when Saya wanted to go visit without the kids.]

[~~And who knows about his own partners and their own feelings.~~]

[He nods.] Yes. We have plenty of time. [Certainly not happening while they were here, and probably need a while even after they go home. Just so his family can get to know her first and their arrangement.]

[Vibes are hard to quantify. Data is a lot harder for the dark voices to get hold.]

[There is a soft purr against her, his hold tightening. For a few minutes just curled up against her.]

I can't hear about you being with Wukong yet. [Muttered against her neck. Soft.] I'm not there yet. I'll let you know when that changes. But otherwise...

Just be happy.

[ Certainly not yet. There's no rush, and in fact many good reasons not to rush. Obtaining the gem is just a lot easier while they're here and can just make a wish rather than having to travel between worlds, but it can go into storage for centuries without degrading in this stable form. ]

[ Honestly, the children discussion helps with some of her insecurities. It's not like he'd make those plans with someone disposable... right? ]

[ Saya strokes through his hair and hits some of the relaxation points on his neck. Glad he seems to be calming down. And then he says-- ]

[ She's not quite clear on whether he means don't do anything to get closer there yet, or that he just can't hear about whatever happens. But she doesn't really need to ask for clarification, since if Red Son told her not to get close to Wukong she wouldn't be able to promise that anyway. And he did say before that he'll try to handle it. Whether this is selfishly motivated thinking or not, she chooses to interpret that to mean that she needs to pretend it's not happening, keep it out of Red Son's eyesight and earshot. Which is a similar arrangement she has... had... with Kantera, really. (That is changing rapidly. Thanks Sylvain for being a bisexual menace.) ]

I wouldn't. [ Talk about it. Rub it in his face. She values and respects him too much to carelessly hurt him in that way. ]

I am happy. There's a reason I keep saying it. And believe me, it's not something I'd say if I wasn't, because I didn't. Until very recently.

[ He can thank Kantera and Yuri and Venti for starting that, but he's a big piece of it. ]

[Absolutely not. He can give her time, he can understand being away, but he wouldn't decide to have kids with someone if he didn't want them in his life. He wanted a full family and wanted his kids to have a better situation than him and that meant at least intending to have two parents.]

[And at least Saya's interpretation is right. Red Son isn't ready to see Saya and Wukong together. He's just not. Not with the dark, squirmy feelings inside him, not when he still can't look at Wukong without feeling those centuries of loneliness and struggle. The less he's reminded, that easier it'll be to manage those feelings.]

[He nods, and kisses over her mark.] Thank you.

I mean specifically in regards to that topic..

But...I am glad I can make you happy.

That things are better for you now.

[ She understands Red Son's feelings about Wukong. However, having also had to hunt and kill a sibling over their attempt to cull humanity, Saya sees Wukong's perspective incredibly well. They both have good reasons for their views and feelings. And she absolutely refuses to be in the middle of any of it anymore. She can love them both without it being a problem, surely, this is what she's built for. ]

I know what you meant. [ And she appreciates it, but is keeping it brief on purpose. ]

[ Another kiss to his head. ]

You do. Everyone in that ten mile radius wishes I'd tone it down.

Things are so much better. My life isn't defined by loss anymore, or a horrible duty I never wanted and could only handle alone.

I have a lot of people to thank for that. You're one of them. My husband. Venti. Yuri... maybe him more than anyone. He's always been my bellwether when I was lost.

I'm incredibly lucky that being dragged to Hell led to all this.

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