forgingfires | Seasons Inbox

I think you should ask Noodle Boy about it because regardless whether or not she made it up?

She was going to present it in the absolute worst way possible. There is no doubt about that fact.

But again, the traitor example. She will throw in an utter lie amongst truths. And even the truths we do know about, she presented in the worst way possible.

Noodle Boy is the ultimately the only one who can say for sure what he thinks in regards to similarities.

But as the first villain he decided to give a chance after not having trust for, for months?

Being a monster does not mean every part of that being is without positive traits. To say she had nothing worth admiration is a mistake. The reason the Lady Bone Demon was a monster is because she believed she had the right to remake the world and no one else's thoughts mattered.

[ She makes a sound that is ultimately indecipherable. ]

I don't know if I can. Not anytime soon. Between losing Venti and the home he promised me, having dreams about everyone I killed and lost except Haji and wondering why even his memory seems to be kept from me, trying to deal with all the rest of my instincts as they scream at me and being apart from you, and now this--

[ She needs. A minute. ]

[He reaches over to take her hand, bringing it up to kiss the back of it.]

Take all the time you need. I have a list of recruits to head off the spiraling. Don't rush yourself until you can handle the conversation.

I'm here for you and if you need me, if you want it to be me, I got monkeys I can call to watch him. [Because he is likely spiraling too, but Saya is the one who had ALL her issues thrown in her face. MK has misplaced guilt for mindfuckery.]

[ She clings to his hand like it's the only thing anchoring her to this world. It might hurt a little. ]

I want it to be you. I'm just also feeling like everything I touch rots in my hands. Like I tempted fate by being so happy.

[ Red Son knows her past, the pain she was always in, blamed herself for. Lady Bone Demon hit it right on the head that she feels destined to always bring about that pain, over and over. ]

The dreams were endless. Everyone I lost, everyone I killed. Diva demanding to know why I couldn't show her mercy. Riku pleading with me not to leave him. My father turning in front of my eyes while he begged me to kill him. And a big blank spot where Haji should have been, which was almost worse.

And so many that I don't even remember. All wanting to know why I killed them. All saying they loved me, wondering why I didn't love them back.

I may not know for certain what MK thinks, but everything else the Lady Bone Demon said to me was completely true.

Okay. [Once there's a lull, he'll text Wukong and Macaque to get to MK, but he's focusing on Saya for now.]

She certainly has a way of making it sound like that, doesn't she? It's why she's so terrifying. She had this way about her, says just enough of what you believe in your heart of hearts that it feels impossible to deny anything else.

She says the things you want to hear. What the darkest parts of your mind want to hear.

[ She tires to wipe her tears away and is marginally successful, and decides to just pretend she's not crying for now. ]

My point exactly. If it was easily dismissed, she wouldn't bother.

Which is why I'm convinced there has to be some truth to MK thinking I'm like her. I just -- can't see how that could be a good thing.

Because you see what she did. Not what she was like.

While there may have been truth in what she said, it was extremes and partial truths, even in the truths you believe in your heart.

[His other hand reaches out, moving over her heart.]

[And then there's the warmth as he pulls out the dart and chain.]

Do you believe this will only ever cause suffering and pain and bloodshed?

Do you believe the glaive I will make you will only cause suffering?

Do you believe his staff will only cause suffering?

I made that point to her. That if I'm a weapon at least I'm being wielded by those I trust, now.

...But it's different. An inanimate tool versus a being with the nature that I have.

When Wukong used his vision to look at me, search for the reason for my berserk episodes, he said that was my true nature. The control I use to hold off those rampages is just a veneer. It can be broken -- it has been.

That complicates the analogy.

...not as much as you think.

After I kidnapped Wukong's monk, he had to find me.

He found me by turning into a kaiju, going on a rampage, and terrifying all the minor gods and spirits on the mountain I was terrorizing.

He went on a rampage.

To scare out the entities.

I had been terrorizing with the Samadhi Fire.

Unless Wukong was being cruel, I would assume he was more thinking on how strong your instincts are, how you are a predator. Like he is. Like demons are.

--It's not a rampage if it has purpose, if it's being brought out on purpose and stopped once it's achieved that purpose.

I slaughtered infants in their mothers arms. I ran down screaming people and hacked them into bits. It's not the same.

And Wukong has done berserk rages of that vein. That was after centuries of physically enforced character development.

The point is, you're assuming what he sees and thinks.

Without accounting for the context he has. The context of intimately understanding what its like to have that kind of destructive rage as a part of one's self.

[ She opens her mouth, sighs, and considers this for a second. ]

Can you just hold me for a while and tell me you're sorry? I'm never going to be talked out of feeling bad about my massacres or what I did while under the thumb of evil people and it's probably pointless to try.

[Oh.]

[Well.]

[Yes, after a momentary pause as he remembers the 'basic empathy things they do in shows' is also a thing.]

[But he will do as she says, banishing the weapon, and is going to let go of her hand to pull her in close.]

I wasn't saying you shouldn't feel bad about your massacres. I'm saying have more faith in Wukong that when he looked at you, he wasn't seeing a monster when he said that.

I'm sorry you're hurting. That you had to go through all that.

I'm sorry you had to deal with her.

I'm sorry you were hurt by your friend.

[ She burrows against him. Even though she had to give him a checklist, it's appreciated. ]

Thank you. That helps.

...I'm sorry you had to watch me strike and say awful things to him. I lost it a little.

[He's still figuring out how to empathize well.]

I know. But I'm not upset at you.

I can't say I won't be if you don't try to work things out with him after you've had time to recover, just like I'll be upset with him if he decides to bolt from the conversation. However, I have faith your love for each other will win out, its just how much stupidity there might be along the way.

But I understand. Even if the Lady Bone Demon has admirable traits, she chooses to use those traits as a mean to hurt people, instead of protecting and helping them. Its only natural to defend yourself.

Edited 2023-10-18 21:14 (UTC)

[ She's not quite sure why she has to be the one to try... but then she did say to stay away from her, one could hardly fault MK for respecting what she said her wishes were, even if she did say it at a moment of extreme distress. ]

[ It's fair enough. She has to try when she's ready. For Red Son's sake, and Wukong's, and MK's, and her own. She learned from the recent mess with Yuri that nothing works out when she avoids the heart of the matter. ]

I'll find him when I'm ready. But I want it to be just us. [ If they're going to work things out, it can't be because Red Son is there willing it into existence. ]

If he really does think I'm similar to her, I can't promise a good result. But I'll try.

[Yeah, kind of that whole thing. MK is clearly extremely sensitive to rejection. Red Son figures its fifty/fifty on his rejection sensitivity winning out against his dogged determination to be friends with people despite their overt rejections. He'd usually say the latter, but MK also probably understood on some level that Red Son was full of it and it didn't really involve anything of MK as like. A person. Or something he could blame himself for.]

[So Saya needs a push and if MK bolts, he'll push him too.]

All right. Just keep in mind, you and him are very similar.

[After she pointed it out, its been really easy to find the evidence of that.]

[There is a pause.]

Do you want a test drive because I have an answer to your original question. [His hold tightens on her.]

Edited 2023-10-18 21:28 (UTC)

I know. [ She's not an idiot. The fact that she pointed it out in the first place makes it a known quantity. ] I'm not going to go in there out of obligation to you or in a halfhearted way. I'll do it because holding myself back from people hurts, because he's my friend and I want an explanation [ and an apology wouldn't be amiss even if he was influenced by the costume, she'll n turn apologize for going scorched earth on him ].

Much as I don't especially want to hear a list of my faults right now, I suppose it'll help steel me for it. Go on.

I know. My faith in you two working it out isn't based on what I think I can do to influence you two, its that you both love each other. [He'd just shake you two if you went self defeatist on yourselves which is the REAL concern for it not working out.]

Well, the first thing that truly sticks out that the Noodle Boy might have noticed....

When you want to give up, you go incredibly extreme.

The Lady Bone Demon wanted to save the world. Told herself it was her destiny to end all suffering. But you can't end all suffering, that isn't how life works. She couldn't accept a partial victory. She couldn't accept a better than it was. It was all or nothing.

When you want to give up, you want to self implode. You want to isolate, you wash away all perception of the good things about yourself, you decide you're only a bad thing.

When she wanted to give up, she decided that existence itself was bad and wanted to wash away everything good in an effort to be rid of the bad. She refused to ever think whatever good she might have done once upon a time was worth the bad.

[AND CONSIDERING HOW MK IS]

[Potentially a thing he noticed.]

[ Saya draws a slow breath before doing anything else. It's impossible to tell what she thinks of that. ]

And? [ He said "first" so there's probably more. ]

The other use of a weapon.

You are apt at finding that emotion that overwhelms and sticks in a person's mind until they have to do something about it.

Sometimes that's knowing what will go for the throat. Other times, its making your partner bawl on you for twenty minutes.

You are an iron will.

You have a dominating, regal air if Noodle Boy has ever gotten to see you act as a queen.

When you decide you are in control, it is incredibly difficult to think you're not.

[ It's a little more evident that she doesn't love that one, but she won't argue the point. ]

Anything else?

Nothing that I can think of.

What I mean by other use of a weapon is she used those traits to hurt people. Largely, you're either neutral or protective with those traits.

Not always. There's a reason I told MK that I wouldn't forgive him. I knew that when he was back to himself, that would eat at him.

I don't think you're wrong, I just don't like that about myself.

That's why I said largely.

[He reaches for her hand, pressing her palm to the back of her hand, and holding up their hands together. Allowing for fire to form above her palm.]

Even when you use a weapon to protect, eventually you will have to cut someone down. Anything that is strong enough to protect has to be able to hurt. Even a shield will buckle if the threat is not removed.

And I know, there are parts of yourself you hate.

But I think its important to remember we don't.

Edited 2023-10-18 22:27 (UTC)

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