forgingfires | Seasons Inbox

I know. I know it wasn't easy. I appreciate your mindfulness. [Because MK was a DISASTER.] But I'm here now. No distractions.

[ She did have other coping mechanisms, but probably don't ask what they are. Says gets reckless when she's upset. ]

[ Saya scoots over so she can press her face into his shoulder. ]

I'm too aware of what this place can take from me. Every person I love could just be swept away like Venti and Rosen. Or they could send me back to a world where everyone who loves me is dead. [ As far as she knows. ] The twins don't even know me, and they're the only other ones left.

--I know you have a plan for that, but I just need to be sad about it for a while. [ Hearing that it all might be fine just isn't helpful at a time like this. ]

[He closes his mouth because, well, she knows how he is.]

[Instead he nods and wraps his arms around her.]

Then be sad. You could tell me about him? Or we can stay like this. Or I can ramble on about something unrelated while holding you.

[ She knows he wants to Fix Things, yes. And she appreciates it the great majority of the time, just not right now. ]

[ Turning her head enough to wipe her eyes, Saya stays resting against him, glad of the comfort despite feeling guilty about accepting it when MK might still be a big mess. The first time someone that close to you dies it's devastating. Saya is very used to it, on the other hand. As she just said, everyone she ever loved before waking up in hell died, plenty of them at her own hand. ]

I'd rather hear you talk. I can't get that deeply into him yet. [ She rarely talks about Venti at length. The compartmentalizing again. ] I feel like if I start talking about those I've lost the words will never stop, there's too many of them. And I want to appreciate what I still have rather than grieve eternally for what I don't.

Okay. [He kisses her temple.] If you do ever want to talk about them, I'll listen.

But I can talk now.

I've been working on a design for an airship, using the things here?

[ She nods, but isn't too sure she'll take him up on that. Maybe. He's supportive to a fault, it just gets difficult to talk about so many deep losses. When the Haji thing does come out, he'll see why. ]

Like your own personal one? [ Not really necessary when one can teleport, but she knows he likes tinkering just for the fun of it. ]

[He's sure it would be a bad time, but]

[Sometimes that has to be allowed.]

Yes. My own design, own surprises and uses. I do have the license now, and I'd rather not have to rent one out all the time. And I trust something I build more with my own hands anyway.

[ She actually smiles a bit. It's so him. ]

I assume it won't be quite the size of the larger freighters. [ Those things are basically dirigibles. ]

Oh, absolutely not. I'd probably do two if I could get the garage space. A personal one and one that's bigger for taking others on rides. I did have my own jetbike back home, it was very handy.

[ Handier than teleporting? She suspects it's less about needing them and more about keeping his hands busy and a design challenge. Saya doesn't need all her various weapons either, it's just fun. (Speaking of she wonders how progress on his forge is going, she's been practicing with a glaive made of blood gems but it's probably not a great idea to do that too often given that it leaves a good deal of her blood outside her body.) ]

I imagine you'll have plenty of your own improvements.

[Teleporting means knowing where he's going, or something being in sight, and if people grab onto him, they're staying on, and its a lot harder to kick them off a teleport versus a vehicle. Then the fact when he's in teleport, he doesn't see where he lands until he's landed which has its own dangers. There are pros and cons to the various modes of travel.]

[But mostly its for fun. He LIKES building things and vehicles.]

[And he's making progress on it now that project things have slowed, it just takes a bit of time.]

Oh, absolutely. That's half the fun. Especially now that I have wind power. I could do a great deal with that for maneuverability that wasn't so doable with fire.

[ Saya snuggles into his shoulder as he talks. It perhaps seems odd that she has three other partners and a hoard of casual partners and dear friends here yet has felt lonely for the last week, but it's true. Distance from anyone she loves, even for a good reason, is rough for her. ]

It's a good way to test the limits of the seasonal magic, that. That's half of why I started the telepathy-as-sight thing. I'm to the point where I'm trying to do more subtle things, like read flat writing on paper or the numbers and symbols on playing cards. [ Really difficult stuff, but she's getting there. ]

That too.

A lot is I've had ideas for a while, how to use wind magic. But, well, mother always had things she needed to do and I didn't want to bother her with idle curiosities.

So its nice to finally get to try them out.

You should record some videos of yourself using the wind powers to your phone from home. I'm sure she'd enjoy watching your progress over time once you can get back and show her. [ Saya has a habit of always thinking about his parents and what they might appreciate. Having an almost-family is really nice. ]

[ She so wants to be there, already. Where no one will get yanked away by unseen dimensional forces. ]

Oh.

Oh, I'm not sure I'm ready to do that. [He chuckles a bit sheepishly.] My control over wind is nothing compared to what she can do.

[ Goodness that's cute. ]

And I'm sure she was able to run when you took your first shaky steps, that doesn't mean she wasn't proud and happy. Besides, you'll get better and better with it.

But if it would make you uncomfortable, it's nothing I'm going to press about.

[That]

[Is a good point.]

[He lightly fidgets with her hair.]

I suppose that's true...and we could edit out the worst mishaps...

[ Saya smiles indulgently. All Queens have intense maternal instinct, it's baked in, so she feels confident that Princess Iron Fan would be pleased to see what her son was up to while he was off in another world, aside from gathering love interests. ]

It can't hurt to store the footage. If you decide not to show it, or only to show pieces, then that's fair enough, but you can't very well go back and take the footage later if you regret not taking it.

[ Unlike her maternal nature, regret is something Saya had to earn, and yet now it's equally a part of her, and equally something she can speak to with deep knowledge. ]

There could be other things you want to memorialize as well. MK springs to mind. Seeing some well chosen moments of you together might soften their opinion of him. [ Saya has little doubt that they'd accept things eventually, but why not speed things along? It would move the situation from "I fell in love with our former enemy and I want you to accept it, surprise!" more toward "I fell in love with our former enemy and was considering your comfort while it played out". ]

[ Saya knows that Red Son and MK making a happy couple compilation will probably emphasize their closeness while de-emphasizing how close she and Red Son are, but she's accepted that. The part of her that is mourning Venti and Rosen, not to mention those before them, has already started making her accept that the plans she has just won't happen. Something will go wrong, it always does. She just wants the two of them happy. If she's (surely) returning to a world where she's destined to be alone, at least she'll have that comfort. ]

Edited 2023-12-08 06:07 (UTC)

That is true... [He doesn't have to share the footage if he thinks it's a bad idea. And it may be nice to have anyway. One of the modern things he's greatly appreciated is cameras. The ability to simply store an image at a moment's notice.]

[When he was a child, those things had to be painted or drawn. It had made memories easier to fade.]

[Taking more videos and pictures now would be good for later, regardless of what he shows his parents.]

It may. It would be good to have some videos with you as well. I imagine you would have no problem with father, but mother does have some difficulty with seeing me as an adult. [The difference of her seeing him grow up, versus his father who has to make the two versions of him one.] She's never pressured me to try and find a partner and while that could be just because we were too busy for such things, I can't discount the possibility she also didn't feel like giving me up just yet.

Not that I doubt your ability to charm her, but she is a force to be reckoned with when she decides to make someone work for it.

[ Saya tends to take pictures often as any cyclical amnesiac would, and she still keeps up the habit. So of course she thinks of it for others. ]

[ Just now though, despite this being her idea and despite that she usually enjoys talking about Red Son's parents in anticipation of meeting them, the thought is making her spiral into negativity. And the last time she did that she insulted Red Son and he snarled at her, so she's trying not to let that out. ]

[ That means she finds herself at a loss for what to say, and instead she buries her face against him and clings like he's the only thing keeping her anchored to this world. (It's his turn for a shift, she's been clinging similarly to Kantera, among others, for over a week now.) ]

Edited 2023-12-12 18:25 (UTC)

[The silence is...quite worrying.]

I do mean it. You will charm her. Any protest she has would have nothing to do with you and entirely everything to do with her being protective of her child. You know, we only had each other for a long time, so its to be expected.

But it is something she has to accept, and at least she would have to work to find anything to actually criticize about you.

[ What he says has her years flowing again. For a long moment Saya only cries against him. She realizes she needs to say something, it's just that she's trying to moderate her worrisome spiraling so if doesn't splash on him. ]

[ Finally: ]

Right now I'm having trouble seeing a future where I get to have happiness like that.

[Ah]

.....I know. [He kisses the top of her head.] I know its hard.

But I still believe in your happy future. So you don't have to right now.

I don't even know what that would look like. I only ever had fleeing moments of happiness before losing it all.

Being here is the closest I've had, and it feels so unstable. Maybe that's what all happiness feels like, I really wouldn't know.

I'm trying to have hope and be appreciative of what I still have. Not let the fear consume me. I don't want you or anyone else thinking that you don't mean enough to me to make my life here wonderful...

I just miss them.

[What DOES happiness look like. He's still new to it himself. Only able to start finding it out after his father was freed. Any happiness he had as a child are faded memories and short regardless with how much time was stolen by the Fire.]

I know. Its all right to miss them. To hurt. That's normal.

How day, your happiness will be stable. You'll have plenty of time to learn it now.

But its okay to be sad and miss them right now.

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