forgingfires | Seasons Inbox

[ Macaque shakes his head in a way barely perceptible, it's felt more than seen. ]

I don't know what I want.

[ That admission, above all, is telling. It wasn't long ago that he knew what he wanted: Wukong, and that was all. ]

How it it that you're offering it to me anyway? [ Whatever he wants that is unknowable at present, Red Son is offering it freely, and Macaque believes him despite how that makes him feel raw and exposed. ]

Because you deserve it.

[He...can't blame him on that front. It wasn't so long ago that Red Son had no idea what he wanted. Not until Saya came in and asked him and then pushed him to actually figure it out.]

[But it just makes him feel all the more determined to offer it anyway.]

I want to make you happy. If its something I can give, I want to. [He leans in again, the kiss this time more chaste, and tender.]

[ Macaque kisses back with a softness and vulnerability that many would doubt even existed. Sometimes Macaque doubts its existence himself. ]

You do make me happy. [ The words are so plaintive that it's impossible to doubt their sincerity. ]

But... I don't make MK happy. And you love him, and he needs you, and I--

[ He can't have a place in a picture like that. ]

[Red Son's hands move up, cupping his ears gently, as if to make it extra clear what he's going to say.]

You and MK are going to figure it out. [Firm. Resolute. It'll probably be messy and painful and hard, but its not the first time things have been messy and painful and hard, and he believes in MK's stubbornness to figure out how to connect properly. He just needs to stop being an idiot. And he knows Macaque still loves him]

You are staying in my life. I'll drag you back if you try to run off, don't think I won't. Everytime until you can tell me sincerely and earnestly you don't want to see me anymore.

But... [He leans in, kisses under his blind eye.] I don't think you will.

[ He closes his eyes when Red Son kisses below his blind one. Then he shakes his head. ]

I couldn't. [ Even as precarious as this feels, like a flyaway leaf that will soon be nothing but crunch beneath a boot, Macaque would never say that. ]

[ He kisses Red Son again, gently. ] I just... don't want to hurt you.

You're not. [Another gentle kiss.] And if you do, we'll figure it out.

[His hands move down, taking his hands in his own. Leading them to his neck again.]

I let you put magic on me the other day. Doesn't matter the item itself couldn't do magic things, it was still something magical.

I let you. Put it. On me.

[ Macaque absolutely hates the way his hands look against Red Son's neck. He gets the point of the exercise, and it's touching in ways large and small and all frightening, but he doesn't trust himself. Not after what he did to Wukong, or what he said to MK earlier. ]

[ That said, he doesn't move them. Simply rests them there, without fighting it. Exhaling long and slow. Trusting someone with his heart was the equivalent of magic around his neck, the analogy rings true. And yet it feels so precarious. ]

It looked amazing on you. [ That's all he can think to say for the moment. ]

It was a beautiful piece.

[He closes his eyes, hands resting on top of Macaque's, not holding them or hindering them, just resting, letting himself take several deep breaths. Considering for several long moments.]

Can you open a portal beside my nightstand?

You deserve a beautiful piece.

[ Macaque's hands remain where they are, despite his reluctance. Gentle and soft, not even a hint of pressure. And he opens the portal as requested. ]

[Red Son reaches through the portal, feeling around until he feels the box. Pulling it through, the box being the same one Macaque had given with the choker.]

[He opens it.]

Put it on.

[ Macaque's a little off balance here, wondering why this is a point that needs to be made again, but he does as requested, gently fastening the clasp. ]

[There is a shuddering breath as he does. He closes the box, and then is going to press it into Macaque's hand.]

You are going to doubt it. That I'll stay. I know you will, because its too big of a thing for you to fully believe now.

I know it, and that's okay.

So I want you to keep this. To hold onto the choker. And when you need the reminder, you put it on me again.

If there is ever a moment I was going to run, it would be then. If I don't, then you can be sure that I'll stay until you need to remind yourself again.

And I already know if I want you to put it on, I can ask. I know it won't ever be out of your reach.

Edited 2024-02-16 08:46 (UTC)

[ Macaque glances down as the box is suddenly in his hand. He listens as Red Son's words sink in, that he wants to demonstrate that he'll keep his promise. It's-- ]

[ Overwhelming, honestly. ]

You wouldn't rather keep it? [ It feels a bit wrong to hang onto a gift he made for Red Son. ]

I would.

[It is a beautiful piece.]

When you don't feel the need to put the choker on me as a reminder for a year, you can give me back the box.

[Not a wholly outrageous standard. His hurt runs deep, after all, and who can say when it'll fully be gone.]

[But being able to go with only doing it once a year isn't such an unreasonable idea, especially with their immortality.]

You can freely put it on me just because you think I look pretty though. I trust you to be honest with yourself as to the reasons.

Edited 2024-02-16 08:57 (UTC)

[ He offers a little, wan smile. ]

If I put it on you every time I think you'll look pretty, you'll always be wearing the thing and then where will we be?

When you want me to look pretty in it specifically.

[He leans in, kissing under his eye again, moving to nuzzle under his ear.] Sometimes it's nice to see the thing you made being worn.

And sometimes you just need the physical reminder that I'm not leaving.

I'll have to make you something else to wear, then, in lieu of the choker. [ He's not about to take his gift back and not replace it, even if it is for a good reason. ]

[ He inclines his head so Red Son can get under his ear more readily, and sighs with near-wistfulness. ]

I'm glad you said that, and you clearly mean it, but it feels so big. Bigger than that ideal future dream.

[ That was familial feeling, and this... he doesn't know. Can't put his drunken finger on it. ]

Why is the feeling so different?

If you want. I'll probably ask to wear it sometimes as well, especially when I'm with you.

[She keeps up the gentle affection. Light kisses and nuzzles, the other hand resting on his back, the other hand gently rubbing his opposite ears.]

Might be because you're drunk.

Might be because it feels more real. A physical reminder.

Hmm... [ He considers this. And would shake his head, but he quite likes what she's doing and definitely doesn't want to interrupt. He strokes through her hair while he's thinking, fingertip tracing the shell of her ear and down the back of her neck. ]

Not that. I guess it's... between the other night and this, something shifted.

--Or maybe I'm drunk, I'll accept that answer. I get more mushy when I'm drunk and forget to keep the walls up.

Your walls are down. That can make a difference. Its...always different when there's a wall down.

[He knows Macaque's walls being down have been hitting him like a truck. He can only imagine what it's like for Macaque himself.]

[She sighs at the feeling of his hands through her hair, along her ears and neck, leaning into it.]

Either way, if something shifted, probably shouldn't decide on it now. If it matters, it'll be there in the morning.

I don't mind the walls being down around you. [ Especially when they've made something like a commitment to each other just now? He spends a useless second trying to decide if that's the right word for a promise to stay with each other and a plan for being reassuring about it. ]

In the morning we're trying to fix Choco's pendant.

--Why wouldn't it matter? I think it matters, or I wouldn't feel so... [ he makes an inarticulate gesture with his free hand. ]

...I don't mind either.

[There is a pause. Thinking how to word it.] More...if it matters enough to do something about it. Don't make decisions drunk sort of thing.

If something shifted, then if you want to do something after you're sober and we're done with Pigeon Girl, then we can decide things.

...You're not drunk. You don't have an opinion?

[ Red Son tried to do a thing after his first fight with MK when they were debating whether to explore nonplatonic things, when he said "only if you want it", something of that nature. But this isn't the sort of thing Macaque would want to decide himself. He's had enough of one-sided relationships. ]

Of course I have an opinion.

....but you've been hurt.

And also drunk right now.

I'm not going to take advantage of your trust, or push expectations onto you before you're ready.

I haven't been hurt, I hurt myself. And MK, more importantly. [ Just that tiny little important correction. ]

Fine. But I'm not so wasted that I won't remember, so after her pendant situation tomorrow I'm asking again and you'd better be ready to answer it.

[ However much that sounds like a quasi-threat, it's softly spoken against his hair while his fingertips rub slow circles against the back of his neck. ]

Re: February 16, after his fight with MK

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Re: February 16, after his fight with MK

Re: February 16, after his fight with MK

Re: February 16, after his fight with MK

Re: February 16, after his fight with MK

Re: February 16, after his fight with MK

Re: February 16, after his fight with MK

Re: February 16, after his fight with MK

Re: February 16, after his fight with MK

Re: February 16, after his fight with MK

Re: February 16, after his fight with MK

Re: February 16, after his fight with MK

Re: February 16, after his fight with MK

Re: February 16, after his fight with MK

Re: February 16, after his fight with MK

Re: February 16, after his fight with MK

Re: February 16, after his fight with MK

Re: February 16, after his fight with MK

Re: February 16, after his fight with MK

Re: February 16, after his fight with MK