forgingfires | Seasons Inbox

[There's a hard shiver as she gets closer, at the feeling of the possessive hand at his neck. That feeling of someone wanting to claim him, that he could push back, was invited to claim her back, it hits something deep inside.]

[He doesn't know what it means, what he wants to pursue, he can't be sure what he can commit to. How much are these feelings he wants to pursue, and how much is it just getting caught in the feelings of being]

[Being wanted.]

[But he liked he. He liked being wanted. That someone would want to keep him.]

[Those feelings are too important for him to agree to anything without thinking about it however.]

[He raises his hand, freezes midair, and then moves to cover hers, eyes closed tightly.]

I...

I'll think about it.

I need to think about it.

I know. [ She anticipated that he'd need time. As much as waiting isn't her favorite thing, that too is a matter of respect. Normally she'd be rather demanding about it, but the fact that she isn't speaks to why a closer connection is something she wants. ]

[ But if he doesn't... ] If you'd rather stay as we are, it's okay. It's much easier if I know where that line is, that's all. [ She's quite good at putting her feelings for someone aside. She did it for two hundred years. ]

I'll take whatever of you that you're willing to offer.

[ Abruptly, her mood turns jovial again, though she doesn't move away even slightly. ]

I'm not going to stop the flirting, though. You'll have to live with it.

You make it sound so easy when you say it like that.

[His hand squeezes hers briefly.]

I....

This is new. This is very new, I've never had to think about it. [He needs time. He needs to figure out what he feels. Because that is...always a time.]

But I'll have an answer. As soon as I can.

[There is another flash of fire at that last sentence.]

I-well-t-that's fine.

[ She laughs softly, still against him. ]

It's not easy, but I can do it. I've done it before. Sometimes the timing is just never right. [ Until it suddenly is because you're given a violent shove into getting out of your own way, and then they die ten minutes later. That's why she doesn't wait on these things anymore. ]

Good.

And on a totally separate subject... everything you've done since I got here. [ She means about the gem and her feelings about such, not the excuses and assumptions about her which she possibly would have been insulted by if he hadn't dropped it. She'd be quite put out if he of all people thought of her as nothing but goodness and light. She expects that of mortals. ]

[ Since he's already burning, she shifts to give him a kiss. This is Chiropteran Queen for Thank You. ]

[At least she will never have to worry about her being all goodness and light. He isn't that naive, but he also recognizes there are degrees. Degrees of what darkness and what light a person wants to embrace in their life. Like he has chosen to be a villain, sure, but he also knows he has lines he simply will never cross, no matter the reason.]

[Well, maybe no matter the reason, it is hard to say no to his parents, but at least they would be things he pushes back against, so it really comes down to what gives, his morals or his parents insistence on a plan of action that would be difficult for him on such a level.]

[The real question is are their lines compatible. Will he cross hers, will she cross his, that was the real question.]

Timing is...definitely a problem. Even with all the time in the world, it can be difficult.

[At least that's true. Eternity is a long time, but everyone has their own eternity.]

Everything...I've done since I got here?

[ When/if it does come down to a conflict between them, about where they draw those lines, he'll learn quickly that her views about herself are not ones she holds true for others. Something she wouldn't forgive in her actions, she'd forgive in his. Even understand and appreciate. ]

Timing can be... rough. That's why I don't sit on these things. Not anymore. [ She tries to keep her tone, but it comes out rather... burdened. She said several times that she's tired of regrets, so he shouldn't be too surprised. ]

[ His question does cause her tone to veer back toward the lighter end, though. ]

I meant everything since I got here today. But overall you have been quite pleasant for me to be around, at least.

And it's not just anyone who can at least give some understanding of what it's like for me with my Chevaliers. Most are more inclined to judge it. Even Kantera. [ Her husband may not be mortal but that's a technicality, he thinks and reacts like one. ]

[That's true. At least for Red Son, there are not many in ways of regrets beyond his failures to help his father and by extension his mother. It makes for a very focused existence.]

[But its clear Saya has a lot she regrets. He supposed that does explain why she comes on so strong. He's just so wholly unused to it. Even Mei and MK only hit him intermittently since he's not always there for them to target for friendship.]

Judge-? [He looks surprised and frowns.] Just because of the formation of the emotional attachment?

That doesn't take away the pain you've suffered. It doesn't take away how far he went for love.

He deserves respect and you deserve comfort.

I never delved too deeply on the reasons. I think the fact that I can turn humans, and have, scares them. I don't love the idea of turning anyone anymore either, but it's the compulsion that troubles me, when I'd rather be loved for who and what I am. I don't miss the close connection or that they wouldn't ever leave as long as they lived. [ At least not without substantial discomfort. One Chevalier did betray Diva and defect to Saya, but jumping from one Queen to another is basically just mating instincts ]

Maybe those around me now aren't comfortable with what it says about me that I'd want something like that. So they latch onto the fact that I don't want more like it says I've changed, when really what it says is I can't handle the loss again.

[ This is a perfect example of her morality being far more grey than it is white. She won't make Chevaliers anymore not primarily because it's wrong, but because it doesn't give her what she wants. ]

I think if I pressed I probably wouldn't like the answers.

Either way, it's worth thanking you for.

[There are several long beats as he considers that. Then he shrugs.] I likely would have been more unnerved if it wasn't obvious how much they meant to you. [He won't lie to her.] I don't like mind control and it is getting uncomfortably close to that.

But its clear how much they meant to you, and that makes a world of difference. If their loss didn't hurt you, didn't make you suffer, then at most I would just pity them, and I would be far more wary of you.

The fact their loss hurts you enough to not make another for fear is a lot more reassuring then just moral outrage. Morals change. Fear of loss is a lot more certain.

Its only natural to want the thing you feared to lose.

Edited 2023-04-29 03:30 (UTC)

I don't like mind control either, for this reason and because there was far too much of it where I was last. [ She doesn't fully succeed in suppressing a shudder. The physical torture was awful, messing with their minds was worse. ]

Part of what led me to hunt Diva down is that she was making Chevaliers out of just anyone she felt like controlling, essentially on a whim. What was done to her was monstrous and as I've said she wasn't all there, but I couldn't let her keep doing it no matter the reason.

[ The story of her own Chevaliers is... more complicated. She knew and loved them first. She did it to save their lives. She was begged to do it in one case. It's not something she can get into and stay held together. ]

The moral outrage thing I feel a bunch of ways about. Back to that compass in the room full of magnets analogy. But you're right, I'll never make another one because of the depth of the loss. Not in my right mind, at least... which I only add because in worlds like this with unfamiliar magic, you never know. If you ever hear me talking about making a Chevalier, something's very wrong.

I'll remember that. [About the chevaliers.]

[There is another long silence and his hands move to her cheeks, sighing softly, pressing his forehead to hers.] In concept, the idea of chevaliers is terrifying, but as is the case for most things, how dangerous the thing should be judged on the person with the power, not the concept of the power itself.

It is so painfully clear how much you love, how much it makes up who you are, and that is no less true for your Chevaliers and that takes away the fear of such an ability. Your heart will not allow for such disastrous use of it.

And its much the same way for everything else about you, at least in my case. You are someone whose power and ability I can respect, someone I know is capable of doing terrible things and perhaps they may even be things I don't agree with, but you have also made it quite clear you don't want to use any of those things to harm me, so I am free to admire without having to worry.

Often it is want to harm that is more dangerous than the capability. After all, those who want might find an opportunity to be capable. The capable won't do what they don't want.

And you don't want and I can just appreciate the marvelous queen you are.

[ She doesn't move as he touches her face and rests against her and his words wash over her. So he does see more of her than some beacon of goodness, after all; that may have been his own fears talking, perhaps, now that she thinks of it. Fears of being rejected if she were to disapprove of his actions, fears of those he knows from home doing the same. It's not something worth worrying over when it comes to her, though. Just as he knows she wouldn't do terrible things to him, with the intent of hurting him, she knows that as well. She can forgive a good deal when she knows someone cares for her at least that far. And if (or when) he hurts her for other reasons, she still wouldn't ever regret opening her heart to someone. ]

[ He's right that it's her heart and not some half-baked notion of right and wrong that guides her. And that's why any future conflict he's imagining wouldn't be as bad as all that. ]

[ Truly, the only problem with what he's saying to her, about so many things he says to her, is that it stands in stark relief against the things others say to her. Knowing that none of them understand was an easier concept to swallow when no one did. ]

I know why it is you see me so clearly, but it's still somehow surprising.

[The case is that Red Son is always afraid of rejection and any possible avenue is one to fear. A disappointment and failure to his parents. Too evil for Mei and MK. Its part of why he doesn't hide his status as a villain. His perceived shortcomings as a failure or disappointment is revealing weakness he isn't comfortable sharing, but being a villain isn't weakness, but still a reason all the same to be rejected. It was better and safe enough to have that on the table.]

[She may not be a beacon of goodness, but she is better than him in some ways, and that seems like a natural point of conflict.]

You might find me less startling when you meet more demons, you know. There are many who are older and wiser than me, who understand power better. [Its added with more bemusement.]

[ There are so many possible points of conflict that it seems ridiculous to worry over them all. Either something will come up or it won't. She wouldn't have guessed she'd be married to someone that might ditch her over something he damn well knew about, after all. ]

Trying to pawn me off on someone else already, hm?

[ But she shakes her head slightly on the off-chance he couldn't tell she's not serious. ]

I have an odd relationship with wisdom. An immortal who's not an immortal because I'm more an infant than most mortals. And anyway, there's a lot to be said for a shared history. Regrettably, you might be stuck with me liking you best.

[ Maybe not. She does collect partners and suitors at an alarming rate. Saya is a pain in a lot of ways but she's pretty charismatic so long as no one activates her temper. ]

What can I say? The first taste of something can be overwhelming, and even if immortals are not commonplace, we do have a fairly sizeable population. [Of course, for all he says that, he is severely underestimating how weird he is for an immortal. After all, far too many are very stuck in their ways.]

[There's a reason why magic tech isn't a common thing. Not many immortals are into technology the same way he is.]

...I wouldn't regret being favored...

[Definitely a more sullen murmur because even if he doesn't know where he's at, he does know he LIKES being liked.]

[But he could also see her liking others more. Exposure could change things.]

Good, I intend to keep favoring you.

[ Her smile is at first bright and sweet and dazzling, then softens. ]

Your understanding of power isn't why, though. That you appreciate what I am is one reason. There's also the fact that you're brilliant. You're determined. The way you do everything from cooking to tinkering to helping me and refuse to accept anything but the best result. The little ways you show you care for those you find worth your while. Even your temper, when I finally see it, I have a feeling I'll be able to see that it comes from being passionate. Most of all, how much and how fiercely you love your family. Your devotion to them. That you'll stop at nothing for them.

[ Sorry for the string of compliments, anything that happens to be withing singeing range. ]

Anyone who wants my favor over you has to top all that.

[Oh no]

[OH NO, he isn't ready for this]

[The fire is crackling higher and higher as she talks and he leans away to keep from singeing any of her hair, looking away because its]

[Its a lot]

[Its so much ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE AND]

[He reaches out and turns on the faucet before he pulls away and just DUNKS HIS HEAD UNDER THE WATER FLOW and the kitchen is gonna be a literal sauna in like a minute from all the steam.]

[ She successfully doesn't laugh and hunts down a clean towel for him, which she presents. He had that coming after that whole "marvelous queen" thing. ]

For when you're ready to dry off. I suppose I should only pay you compliments while outdoors.

It would be best, I'm used to more vaulted ceilings.

[Its a lot easier to set himself on fire A LOT in the lair, there is room, but he has to be Restrained in here so longer burn is what he has to do.]

[Also he won't even need the towel, he's gonna keep running way too hot to be wet for Long.]

[Fun fact, there are no like regular towels in this house because he can just dry himself instantly, all towels are for drying Other Things.]

I wasn't trying to set you off, for whatever it's worth. It's just my honest opinion.

[ Are there smoke detectors still in here? She has a feeling he probably took those out. ]

For the future, how much warning time do you need before I say anything nice?

[Those were immediately removed and scrapped for parts.]

I don't need any warning for something nice!

[High strung yelp.]

[That is a lie, but also answering the question would mean admitting to having a problem with compliments and then why he Does.]

[ Mmhmm. Clearly. ]

So I see. Maybe I should seduce you instead, safety first and all.

[Another dramatic puff of steam.]

I'm not sure why that is the take away-

Should I take that to mean you don't want to drag me to bed and give my fangs a workout?

[ On the upside, this is doing wonders for her mood, and it's absolutely evident. ]

[Other knob of the faucet for more water flow.]

I didn't say that-

[But he's also dying a bit so he has to figure out where his head is at, the absolute whiplash.]

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