Seasons Inbox

[forgingfires]

"You have contacted the great Red Son! Leave a message after the beep and keep it brief. If this is about a repair job, state the object and problem."

Comments

[castaside]

[ He considers that. ]

Wukong was starved for company and affection when the monk unsealed him from the mountain. After I left, he was alone down there.

[ He shakes his head. ] I should have gone back. I knew it then. Kept wrestling with myself about it. But whenever I thought I should, I'd hear him accusing me all over again. I kept telling myself to wait for one reason or fifty.

I thought we had forever, and it gets easy to assume that you'll get there at some point. I know I never, absolutely never, intended to just not repair things. To the point when I heard about the monk, that he was an agent of Heaven now, I tried to convince the others that it wasn't the betrayal they thought it was.

I always believed in him, and that never stopped. I just wrapped myself five layers deep in protective snark so it wouldn't cut so deep anymore, and now it's like I can't stop. I see him, and I think of all this, and I just -- [ well. bicker like exes do. ]

[forgingfires]

[Red Son nodded.] That. He definitely still has a lot of that.

[He spins the cup in his hand.] The curse of immortality. You have all the time in the world. Until suddenly you don't. [There were stories aplenty of that. Not something Red Son had to experience himself, but its a pattern he knows comes for all of them eventually. Live long enough and its unavoidable.]

Difficult to open up and risk being hurt. Especially with someone you're not entirely sure is willing to care enough to not cut deep.

[He turns to Macaque, resting his chin in his hand.]

...there had been an idea I toyed with, off and on, while trying to figure out a way to talk to Wukong in a way that maybe he would finally understand what I needed. I wondered if part of it was because I kept my guard up because...well, what reason do I have to offer him that much trust?

There are these mushrooms that compel you to tell the truth. No lies. No snark. No guarded bluster.

[castaside]

[ That gets an eyebrow raise. ]

Have you, now. Just douse yourself n truth serum and go for it, or are you poisoning his tea?

[forgingfires]

At least I would be under the truth serum.

I hadn't decided on him yet.

Just him under it accomplishes nothing.

[castaside]

If you want to do it to yourself, fair enough. If you want to do it to him, do everyone a favor and get his permission. MK will lose it on you if you don't.

--Not that I don't understand the impulse. Believe me. I've often wondered what's going on inside Wukong's head, if he's doing the same thing I'm doing with self-protection.

[forgingfires]

Yeah, probably.

I didn't plan on making the truth thing a secret. Understanding what people can't say is part of understanding them.

He's doing self protection. [THAT he's figured out.]

[castaside]

[ His eyebrows lift. ]

You seem awfully certain about it.

[ Macaque isn't exactly confident either way, certainly he's not going to say Red Son is totally wrong, but... ]

Why?

[forgingfires]

The way he acts around me. He says he's vulnerable, but he also does it in an irreverent way.

If he's opening himself up for hurt, it's in a way where he can cushion and guide the hurt. Never quite giving anything away that is actually risky to do. It isn't a full on wall of snark and attitude, but trying to not care about being hurt is also a way to run from the struggle of it.

Like letting someone break your pinky over risking them taking out a rib.

Or he lashes out first when hope doesn't seem possible so he doesn't have to be disappointed.

[castaside]

Hm. [ Certainly possible. Macaque would like to believe it. ]

--Still doesn't make it any easier to take his crap when it's in your face, huh. [ Which isn't really a question. ]

[forgingfires]

No, it doesn't.

I don't even want to hurt him. [Staring down at the glass.] Not really. Not in the way he's bracing himself for. His irrevence has been driving me nuts and I want that to crack, but...

I don't want him miserable.

I just want him to act like I was hurt.

[castaside]

[ Raises a mock toast ]

We're in exactly the same position, then.

Inside the scroll, Wukong acknowledged that he made mistakes while trying to protect the people he cared about. But he said it to MK. I already know he can treat MK like an equal.

If he'd just give me an inch, I like to think I could... I don't know, be real. It's not like I'm in massive denial about anything.

[forgingfires]

[He chuckles sardonically at that.]

I was that way too. I was looking for something where it felt like I could start letting go. Just an inch where it didn't feel like I was trapped with all those feelings.

And then he finally did! We were getting somewhere. There was that first step and it felt like we could go forward.

[He lifts his glass.] Then I pissed him off and instead of just being focused on where I fucked up, he went for my throat with everything he could use to hurt me. [He downs the glass.]

[castaside]

Yeah, he does that. Why do you think what he said under the mountain set me off enough to not go back for centuries?

[ Being accused of not helping, of not caring, really haunted him. Still does, since it is still just sitting there. ]

If you figure out how to run the gauntlet of his bullshit and get to the heart of the matter, do share the knowledge.

[forgingfires]

I don't really know where to go.

[He sighs, forehead thudding against the bar.]

He's done plenty to hurt me, but I was....collateral damage. The damage that was the unfair, so it's not like I ever expected him to care about me or anything like that. I was hoping he'd care I was hurt.

To have someone who cared I was hurt for once.

And I believed him, and it was a relief.

And then he choose to hurt me as best as he could personally.

Right when his judgement could actually do so.

[castaside]

You keep referencing him hurting you in the worst way. What was that about?

It must be related to this curse business, I heard that was messy.

[forgingfires]

I fucked up with MK. He was mad. Understandable, so I was willing to take the punishment. Yell at me, break my furniture, I'd even have let him hit me a few times and heal the bruises so MK wouldn't have to see.

Did heal the one bruise.

Then he decided to go for every insecurity, pain, and self doubt he knew about. Unrelated to what happened. Most here. Things about father.

He was giving the Lady Bone Demon a run for her money.

[castaside]

[ He mentally translates this into Wukongish and sighs ]

He really lost it on you. MK does that to him.

--Again, not defending him. I want to say "he should have a better handle on himself a his age" but so should I, and look at the mess I made today.

[forgingfires]

He should have a better handle when he got on me for not having one.

[He turns his head to look at Macaque.]

It's hard to unpack with him.

[castaside]

Eh, give it a few centuries. You'll be able to figure it out.

Still might want to punch him in the face, though.

[forgingfires]

Pretty sure that will always be the case. He's very good at getting under people's skin. It's like the unpleasant version of Noodle Boy.

[castaside]

Even when we were together I regularly wanted to punch him out. But certainty of losing that fight makes the prospect a lot less fun.

[ He also wanted to do a lot of other things which he won't mention, you're welcome. ]

[forgingfires]

Still feels like it'd be worth it some days. [Just the satisfaction of maybe getting in one good punch.]

[castaside]

That's because you don't know how he gets when it's about revenge.

[ Just trust him, it's not worth it. ]

[forgingfires]

Petty, is he?

[castaside]

Sometimes. Although maybe less so now, even if he still is with me.

I know how it sounds, believe me. Why would I be still interested on whatever level I am, given all that? Et cetera.