forgingfires | Seasons Inbox

I'm-

[He pauses, fingers tapping on the cup.]

Well, not old by immortal standard, but I have been around a while. Its the opposite thing than you, where it takes a while for things to shift. Usually.

But I also...

I grew up relatively...alone.

Which I imagine is obvious since you're the first person I slept with in centuries of life when I am obviously quite attractive.

Other than my mother, there wasn't anyone who was constant so when it comes to friendship and romance, it's all...

New.

[ She listens, and can't help feeling sad for all the time he spent alone. For his mother's grief and his father's imprisonment. ]

I know. That's why I'm doing my best to be patient, despite my nature. Whatever you want and need is fine with me. But it would certainly help me to know what that is. The last thing I want to do is push too hard. [ She likes and respects him too much for that. ]

And I appreciate it, but I know you'd also want an answer before we start doing the experiments.

[He keeps tapping at the cup, looking down at the tea.]

Its easy for me to get caught up. In what's new. It happened with the Dragon Girl and the Noodle Boy, despite knowing things will give one way or the other. I just want to be selfish and take what I want, even if I know its a bad idea.

I know I want you. But how much and in what way I'm still figuring out.

So if you want to fall for me, I have a condition, and that is you do not change yourself for me. You do not sacrifice for me. You do not make yourself into something I want or what you think I want.

Because if I fall in love with you, real love, I want to be who you are without restraint.

Compromise is for after those feelings are a certainty, not to make them happen.

[ This time it takes her a moment to respond. His request amazes her, really. How many people have wanted to mold her to suit their purposes or to be as they think she should? Even those she loves most push her to be their version of "better", to improve somehow. ]

It's a more than fair condition. I haven't hid from you so far, and I'm not about to start now.

[Love was an important thing to him. It had driven his family in so much of what they do, its impossible for it to not be important. And while he's still new to it for the most part outside of the familial, he still had plenty of opinions on the subject.]

[Love did involve compromise, of course. His parents did not agree on everything. But that made it all the more important to be aware of what might be a point of conflict before it came up. What is adored and what needed to be talked about.]

[Best foot forward was for first impressions.]

[Real love needed the good and ugly and all the in between parts to be known, and that meant not trying to be something else until he was ready to make the same level of sacrifices as he would ask of her, if such things were necessary.]

I know, but you also haven't felt like you owed me anything more, and you have admitted to changing yourself to please those around you to a certain extent. I want you to keep being you. If there is something one of us cannot deal with, we'll cross that bridge when it comes up and talk about it.

In these matters, compromise and sacrifice is meant to be a two way street.

[ He's not wrong that she has changed herself, or tried to, or faked it, at times. She's somewhat accustomed to such manipulations, unfortunately. Pressure and expectations and coercion are all she's ever known. But, having settled more into herself by this point in her waking cycle, his request won't be difficult to abide by. It's unusual, but very welcome. ]

I will. [ She's done with trying to alter herself for other people anyway. She can't hide her real feelings, all it does is make her and everyone else miserable. ]

...I explained before about my sometimes conflicting feelings, so I'm assuming you'll understand that if I seem to contradict myself at times, it's not capitulating. That's me being honest. [ She's had so. Many. Personality overwrites. That compass in a room full of magnets analogy. ]

[He nods.] I understand. You have very intense feelings and a lot of different learned impulses. If I'm confused, I'll just ask for clarification.

[He glances up, the blush intensifying on his face as he looks down again.]

Of course I can't make any promises as to the outcome, but...

I would like to see it through, at least.

[ For half a moment she wonders whether she's setting him up for heartbreak here, if she hibernates; it's those learned impulses again, like water traversing a long-carved channel through rock, sheer habit. But -- no. He promised he'd find a way, no matter how long it took. Even if she sleeps, even if it takes centuries, she'll see him again, with her memories. ]

Then we'll see it through, whatever the result. [ She can certainly accept not having any guarantees. She's never had any of those, not even with Haji. And for all her regrets, she's never once wished she held herself apart from someone. ]

[ She places her teacup down and steps closer to him. ] Now put your tea down so I can kiss you.

[If there was one thing Red Son knew what to do, it was to whether heartbreak that couuld be overcome. She would not be dead, and she would not be beyond him. He just had to cross the distance and he would do so.]

[Sooner or later.]

[He doesn't know about romance, that was too new, but he knew he cared and that was not so easy for him to let go.]

[He looks up, hair flaring up, the tea boiling in his hands.]

[He takes a breath to calm the heat in his hands and sets it aside, his other hand moving to her waist.]

[ Saya knows a lot about romance, by contrast, though she never gets too kicked up about defining specifics. Knowing you care about one another is enough to start with, and as long as that's the case she's not terribly picky. He can take all the time he needs. It's whether she'll be around for that time which is at issue. ]

[ His burning hair makes her smile grow by a slight fraction, that never gets old despite that she hadn't intended it. And she takes it as a good sign that he didn't hesitate to touch her (much). ]

[ So she doesn't hesitate either, sliding her arms around him and pulling herself close and kissing him with what she hopes is the proper mix of sweetness and insistence. They both appreciate aggression, and while there's none of that precisely, it's not so far off. ]

[Its different. It feels different. Of course there's been tentative kisses from his own inexperience, but this was different.]

[It had feelings behind it, which was]

[Different.]

[So very different.]

[But it was nice, he thinks, his hand moving from her side to her lower back, helping pull her close as he kisses back. Not pushing for aggression and not exactly meek.]

[He wants to enjoy the sweetness for a bit, when a kiss isn't just about feeling nice.]

[ It feels different even to Saya, despite that she is used to doing everything with her whole heart. She smiles a bit as he tugs her closer, seeing no reason to change anything so long as it's getting such a response. Sweet is is, as long as Red Son wants it. She has that capacity in her as much as aggression. ]

[He wanted to linger in this for a time. Despite his hesitation to declare his feelings, his own confusion of what they are exactly, its not as if he's opposed to them.]

[In truth, he was a romantic at heart. He would welcome love, he just has to figure out what it feels like first.]

[So this sweetness and emotions was nice. Something he was all to happy to relish in for now.]

[ If love were so easily defined, all the poets and artists and musicians and philosophers would be out of a job. Sometimes you just know, and that's not an easy idea when you're used to relying on facts and figures. ]

[ Saya isn't that. She relies on what she's always had: instinct. It's the one piece of her that's constant. Instincts know love just as they know protection, danger, joy. It's part of her. She can't teach that -- but a kiss is close enough. She doesn't even try to escalate it; this reminds her more of afterglow than foreplay, really. Post-catharsis bonding for its own sake. ]

[ So her kiss is less like a rush of heat and more like a slow stretch in the sun. Warm, inviting, undemanding. ]

Seasons Inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject