forgingfires | Seasons Inbox

[Bulldozer. He swallows. Tell the truth. If he's ready but is he? He doesn't want to not answer Red Son. Especially when he looks at him like that.]

Everything with Macaque is...messing me up. But I don't want to put that on you. You're going through enough. You all are. I just want to help fix this. I don't want to make it worse.

So are all these changes temporary measures to put you into a certain headspace? [Still gently petting his hair.]

Or something you planned to try and do indefinitely?

Which changes? [MK blinks. He's done a lot of little changes recently. Some big ones too.]

The caffeine and insomnia? I won't use them when this is over. Just need to make sure I'm here to help. That's why I've been using so many clones too.

The changes that are trying to make yourself small and obstructive.

They're...meant to be temporary. [Just until this is taken care of. Until it's fixed. Until...

You're the lucky one.]

...I'll be okay. I got all of you. I'm lucky.

You can be lucky and miserable depending on the circumstances.

[His hands move from his hair, his hands going to his cheeks, thumbs tracing over his cheeks.]

You're not meant to be small.

[MK purrs with the touches. He stares back at Red Son. His eyes wide and vulnerable.]

...I can shrink though.

[He squishes his cheeks.]

I'm immune to your jokes. Accept my sincere admiration.

R-Right. [Squishy cheeks. :(]

I just don't want to make anything worse than it already is.

I know.

But there is altering some behavior because of the temporary circumstances and then there's trying to internalize it.

Like when I don't sleep because I'm trying to finish a project that's on a time limit. I should sleep and eat proper meals even if I can survive without because its terrible for me, but a dire time limit is more important.

But then I should be bullied into proper behaviors after because the dire thing ends.

You should never be trying to bury your light, and certainly not forever.

[MK vividly remembers making sure Red Son ate, drank, and slept during those long nights. Back when Saya was at risk of falling asleep for so long. He remembers it well. All those feelings.

His shoulder shake a little. Tears well up in the corners of his eyes.]

...What if my light is just...getting dimmer?

... [His thumbs lightly brush away the tears in his eyes.]

You know that effect, when you have a flashlight in the dark, and how anything outside that light seems all the darker?

[He nods and sniffles a little.]

Y-Yeah...?

When you're in that light, it feels like such a small space in the dark.

To everything else in the dark, however?

You're a shining beacon that is impossible to ignore. A guiding light, a star to follow. Because even if you can't see far in the dark, everyone who has no light at all sees you.

But...what if I can't...shine it on everyone? I don't want to leave anyone in the dark.

Those who don't get a chance to see you of course can't see it.

[His hands move down, reaching for MK's and hold his hands between them.]

But everyone who do see you? You shine on them. It just depends on whether or not they're willing to follow.

[Mk's hands are easy to take. He feels the warmth surrounding them.]

Red Son...

[He isn't sure what to say for a moment.] I'm scared. What if my light isn't enough? What if it starts going out? I don't know what I'd do if I can't keep shining a light on all of you.

Then let us give you fuel. [He kisses the back of his fingers.]

All light is like fire. Flash lights, bioluminescence, those glow stick things, they all need fuel. Electricity, chemical reactions.

Things to burn and air to breathe.

If your light is fading, its because you need fuel, and that's where we come in.

But you need...the fuel. Don't you? [He asks softly. Clearly afraid he is drawing too much.]

Do I feel like I'm taking all your fuel?

What?! No! Of course you don't!

Then why do you think you're taking all mine?

I give mine to far fewer people than you.

I-I mean you...

[Mk stammers and just can't figure out what to say.] Doesn't Macaque need more than usual right now? Don't you?

Don't you?

...Did you just uno reverse card me?

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