forgingfires: (Default)
Red Son ([personal profile] forgingfires) wrote2029-03-25 09:33 am

Seasons Inbox

"You have contacted the great Red Son! Leave a message after the beep and keep it brief. If this is about a repair job, state the object and problem."
castaside: huh, neutral, grin, scheming (160)

Re: after the truthshrooms

[personal profile] castaside 2023-11-27 06:35 pm (UTC)(link)
I wouldn't tell him that. He's like a skittish animal right now. The best move is probably to hold my hand out in a nonthreatening manner and wait to be approached. I'm not an idiot; I'm telling you all this, there's no intention to tell him.

[ He empties his glass again and fills it with more of the strong stuff. And then drinks half of that. ]

If I only knew. MK is already on me about being his friend, and Cole to a much less intense extent, and they won't accept me telling them that it's a terrible idea.

With Wukong it was always like a joke about magnets, we couldn't keep from getting closer if we tried. Even during this conversation where he was essentially shooting me down, he had his arms and tail around me for half of it. With him it's natural. With anyone else it definitely isn't.
castaside: huh, neutral (167)

Re: after the truthshrooms

[personal profile] castaside 2023-11-27 06:50 pm (UTC)(link)
I know how to handle him. Or at least I knew, and it seems like I still have enough going for me in that regard. It's me I apparently have the problem with.

[ Since the mushrooms have yet to wear off, Macaque smiles a bit at the thought that Wukong still thinks he's special. And so he takes a long drink to cover it up. ]

Don't you start on me too. It's no great mystery why I'm afraid to get close to people.
castaside: neutral, sad, serious (172)

Re: after the truthshrooms

[personal profile] castaside 2023-11-27 07:00 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It's around this point that Macaque realizes he should have waited until the damn mushrooms wore off to have this discussion. ]

I'll hurt him. Both of them. It's a certainty, because I don't get close to people and I feel backed into a corner the more they try. And I don't want to do that.
castaside: angry, aggro, serious (284)

Re: after the truthshrooms

[personal profile] castaside 2023-11-27 07:22 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Macaque looks at the snacks, rolls his eyes, and drinks more. He's not a child. ]

--How wonderful for you. But like everyone else, you're missing the point.

Look what I did to the person I love most in the world. I broke him apart just because I could. Because anger was easier than feeling anything else. Imagine what MK would do with that. He has enough troubles in this world, enough doubts. I'm not going to be another thing he has to survive.
castaside: neutral, sad (210)

Re: after the truthshrooms

[personal profile] castaside 2023-11-27 07:28 pm (UTC)(link)
Exactly. And I'm not willing to let it get far enough that I have the chance to.

I don't need a reason anyway. "No" should be enough of an answer.
castaside: huh, surprise, serious (129)

Re: after the truthshrooms

[personal profile] castaside 2023-11-27 07:31 pm (UTC)(link)
That is a whole different sentence, what are you even talking about. Don't make wild inferences, it's disingenuous and you're smart enough to know what I'm getting at.
castaside: serious, angry, neutral (289)

Re: after the truthshrooms

[personal profile] castaside 2023-11-27 07:58 pm (UTC)(link)
I know all that. At least the generalities of it. That's all well and good for you, but I'm not you.

The difference is you're willing to try it. And I really shouldn't need to say anything more than that I don't want to for everyone to just accept it. Maybe that changes for me and maybe not, but it's not something I should have to be talked into.
castaside: angry, wukong, serious, aggro (189)

Re: after the truthshrooms

[personal profile] castaside 2023-11-27 08:18 pm (UTC)(link)
It doesn't matter what the reason is, a no is a no. My reason could be airtight, or made of tissue paper.

I should really stop explaining myself because all it does is make people assume it's a starting point for negotiations.
castaside: neutral, body, serious, huh (236)

Re: after the truthshrooms

[personal profile] castaside 2023-11-27 08:31 pm (UTC)(link)
You said that wrong, it's the burden of other people presuming they know better than I do what would make me happy. Sure, in a perfect world where literally everything is different I'm sure I'd have a whole pack of close friends and be delighted, but I'm stuck in this one. Pretending things are different doesn't make it so.

[ Apparently Macaque isn't quite ready to drop it. Mushrooms and all. ]

Wukong has always been the only exception to all of that. Even our brothers, it was never the same. I wouldn't have bothered with them at all if Wukong hadn't pulled me in. And I'm quite sure they wouldn't have bothered with me.

Since I met him, I never needed or wanted anyone else. Then MK comes along and keeps insisting I'm his teacher when I only did that to get to Wukong, and he said he's willing to accept scraps of friendship from me and that's blatantly ridiculous, Cole keeps insisting he trusts me and what is wrong with them that they can't see what's wrong with me?
castaside: shadow, grin, aggro, scheming (141)

Re: after the truthshrooms

[personal profile] castaside 2023-11-27 08:42 pm (UTC)(link)
All right, I'll bite even if I'm probably going to regret it: what do you see in me? At least I can trust you to not be wearing rose-colored glasses about it.

[ His tone certainly implies he doesn't want to be fluffed up. ]

He can see the scraps thing however he likes, but I know he doesn't deserve that. Him being willing to accept shoddy treatment doesn't make it right.
castaside: shadow, grin, aggro, scheming (256)

Re: after the truthshrooms

[personal profile] castaside 2023-11-27 09:25 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Macaque doesn't make a sound, barely moves during all that. And for a long moment after. ]

Might as well say whatever else, or I'll drive myself crazy trying to guess. [ You can't just say something like that and leave it. ]

[ Macaque doesn't sound overwhelmed, at least. He's just quiet. ]
castaside: neutral, huh, serious (120)

Re: after the truthshrooms

[personal profile] castaside 2023-11-27 09:53 pm (UTC)(link)
[ One may think that Macaque would argue about at least some of that, but he doesn't. ]

I know MK sees some of those same things, even the flaws. He's not stupid. He's the opposite, when it comes to others. But he can be very stupid about himself.

He was upset that I said yes to going to bed with you and no to him, that's how much he doesn't get it. How different those two things are. Part of it was being jealous of you and someone else, but still. He really doesn't see himself accurately in the slightest.

There's no way he won't keep asking for more and more. He won't even realize it, since it's so natural to him. So it's not that I'll hurt him eventually, it's that it would be continuous. There is no time when I wouldn't be fighting it.

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